Longing for swimwear

I’ve been stuck for something to write about over the last couple of weeks. Therapy’s going well, work’s going well, everything’s good and I have nothing to report on. Or so I thought. However, I’m currently trying to buy a swimsuit, “trying” being the operative word, and suddenly I have something to write about. Stop the press!! Yes, I know it sounds riveting, sorry.

We’re heading off to sunny climes in the not too distant future. Spain to be precise. I haven’t actually been to Spain, ever, I don’t think. I’ve been to Menorca with extended family, but I was 7 and don’t remember much, except that it was sunny and nice. The one thing that does stick in my memory about that holiday, is standing on a balcony with my cousins and my brother, looking over into an apartment opposite and seeing a gentleman getting it oooooon with his lady friend. We didn’t fully understand what they were doing, but were aware that it was “rude!”, and so we threw olives at them. Said gentleman became understandably irate and retaliated with pegs. One of them hit my finger and really hurt, which brought our parents out on to the balcony, late to the party, to shout at irate gentleman about throwing things at children. To make matters even worse, they were amazed at how much we apparently liked olives and bought us some more.

“Dear amorous Spanish gentleman,

I hereby apologise for throwing olives at you when you were trying to get your end away. I was only 7 and didn’t know any better. I’m also sorry that we didn’t tell our parents the real reason you threw a peg at me until many years later. I’m also sorry that we all laughed about it, a lot. I hope you managed to get your leg over in the end.

Sincerely,

Charlotte.”

Anyway, that has nothing to do with swimsuits, sorry. So, up until last year, Tony and I hadn’t had many holidays in our 5 years of relationship. Other than a lovely week in Brittany with lovely friends, a gorgeous long weekend in Paris for my 30th birthday (he’s an old romantic about once every 3 years) and a week at Center Parks in the Lakes (never again), we hadn’t really seen much sun. For this reason my parents took pity on us and invited us for a week in the Isle of Wight last year. It was wonderful. The weather was perfect, good enough for a trip to the beach and a swim in the sea every day. It reminded us of how nice it is to have a holiday once in a while. So, off to Spain we go, also with my parents (our holiday enablers), for two weeks. It may seem strange for a 30+ year old couple to be going on holiday with parents, but we get on with them so well that it’s not a problem. Also, they like to do their own thing once in a while, as do we, so we don’t spend every day together.

The Glorious Isle of Wight

The Glorious Isle of Wight

I’m excited about the holiday, I am, but I’m also quite apprehensive. The weather in the Isle of Wight was a complete surprise, so this is the first time I’m actually expecting sunshine and heat, and planning my wardrobe accordingly. Now, fat people don’t do well in the heat, at least I don’t. Hot, sweaty and bothered is not a good look on anyone, and even though I’ve lost about a stone I am still not what ­­­­Protein World would call “Beach Body Ready”. Incidentally, for anyone who hasn’t seen the nation’s response, please click here as it is nothing short of wonderful.

Don’t get me wrong, I fall firmly into the camp that believes that the way to become beach body ready is to put your body, whatever it looks like, on a beach. I struggle with my own body image though and am not brave enough to wear a bikini, as many awesome women are. While I think they look fabulous, and am sure that the world would not end if I put a bikini on and joined them, I just don’t have it in me, not yet. For this reason, buying summer clothes I won’t overheat in, but that don’t show too much of me, is a horribly daunting prospect, and that’s before we even get to swimsuits.

So, plus sized swimsuits. There are some really great options available these days, and I should be spoiled for choice. Simply Be have a brilliant range with some really nice choices, as do M&S and Long Tall Sally. Yes, I’m sure there are more retailers catering for the bigger girl, but the reason I’ve used these three as examples is that I’m not only plus-sized, but I’m tall as well. Longer length swimsuits are few and far between – I mean swimsuits that are actually longer length, as opposed to those that say they are but fall short of the required length by enough centimetres to render the wearer a hunched-over Quasimodo impersonator. The alternative being standing up straight and choosing between your boobs popping out of the top, or giving yourself and atomic wedgie. Yeah, not ideal.

I’ve bought two swimsuits from Simply Be in the past, Exhibit A and Exhibit B. While they’re perfectly nice, well-made suits they each fall into the Quasimodo category. Neither are long enough, and while the purple one is wearable due to being fairly stretchy, I have encountered many an almost boob appearance whilst swimming. The black and pink option is not serviceable at all, I don’t believe that it is, in fact, longer length.

Not wanting to encounter this dilemma again, I chose to buy my holiday suits from Long Tall Sally. I’ve been buying from them on and off for about 20 years now, and they not only have great quality clothes, but they really are longer length and comfortably so at that. I chose two swimsuits, Exhibit C and Exhibit D. They were lovely, the fit was comfortable, the fabric nice, the designs attractive, and they were definitely long enough. However, for the larger busted amongst us, they are fairly obscene. Rather than having one of those clever shelf panel things to sit your boobs in, each suit had only an ineffectual, soft piece of foam on each side. The foam was not supported by a band underneath, neither was it stiff enough to actually support a boob. I wish that my breasts still defied gravity as they did when I was 18, but alas I am now 33 and they are considerably bigger, and therefore heavier. Unsurprisingly I chose to return these rather than to give everyone a show they didn’t ask for.

I’m still awaiting my latest choices. I’ve decided to turn to that old favourite, M&S, the place where Britain buys its underwear. You can’t go wrong with Marks & Sparks. I hope. Their suits are generally long *enough* – there isn’t much leeway, they could stand to be longer, but generally they’re alright. They also seem to understand the boob issue quite well, so I have high hopes for Exhibit E and Exhibit F (in red) and even higher hopes that they won’t exhibit my double Gs!

A very trivial blog post I know, but there we go. Wish me luck…

Me and The Girls

Me and The Girls